Welcome to Oakland B%@#$!!!!!!

I'm back like cooked cRaCkEd...GET IT...LOL....Soooo i missed you guys!!! I'm definitely going to start have to write on here on the regular foreal b/c my life is just straight comedy!!! First of all i'm just tripping on how i'm a player but at the same time i'm getting played....not in a big way don't mistake....lol...but i will save that for another blog another day!!! I'm in Oakland, California and I definitely don't want to leave...my cousins Erin, Maxine, Reggie, Solomon, and Malchai and they are hilarious and frankly i just don't want to leave. Anyway I have been going on a tour of San Fran and Oakland and there is a huge population of Asians here...and its just funny as hell. As i'm riding in the car i don't see a black dude (not that i have seen that many at all) and a white woman but a black dude and an asian woman and its just funny as hell...don't care if your offended...lol! But yeah it's mad chill out here and that's the way life should be. They have flea markets that are better than some malls. Although i was kinda pissed that on the plane ride over here all they served on the flight was organic ish...so i asked for the chocolate chip cookies and they made sick....i was like damn we don't have an alternative we just have organic...what if i was allergic...yall just don't care. But check this out...it was cultural SHOCK...going on to Berkeley aka Cal's campus...because i'm a product of an HBCU it was funny as hell because there were no black ppl and if they were they definitely blended in but alot of these ppl looked mad dirty....i don't know if it was because its finals time or what...but that was just my observation! But the way they dresses at least some of them was cool with me b/c you know how i do....hoodie and jeans....but yea i'm out b/c i'm still here and need to enjoy myself...HOLLA!!!!!

Crazy Ness

The world is going crazy people just not acting right. "Dog" thinks he's black and that he can say the 'n' word. Now I just don't believe that it was his first time saying that. It rolled of his lips so comfortably. He didn't get a real punishment for that. What would be a punishment suitable for his actions though? Who would be the judge? Then we have this terrible crisis and Oprah's school in South Africa. What in the hell is wrong with people I could break my neck everytime I turn my neck to hear this craziness on the news. People are dying everyday and not to say the end is near but we need some type of reform. We as a people and black as a race need to become more involved in our communities. Not just the local community but the international community. Our other black brothers and sisters need us...Sudan, Dafur, the Congo, Brazil, etc. If you would just take a moment of your time and google any of these places you would know that we need to come together. What are some of things that we can do? I know that i'm taking a stretch talking about the people abroad but we need it there as well as at home!!!!

Thoughts @ 12:15am on Sunday Morning

You know how you know that you know that your supposed to do something and you don't do it anyway or you just hella procrastinate. Well i'm more on both right about now. I'm supposed to go to church later on this morning but I'm probably not. And the fact that have two papers due next week and I haven't started on either. Also that I have been holding back a lot of feelings from a lot of people and i just want to scream out about what's inside of me. Now what's stopping me from going to church tomorrow or starting on my papers or telling these people how I feel. Nothing or anyone but myself. I have been feeling like I should keep a lot to myself these days because I just don't want to bother anybody and then I realized that I could just talk to God. He's never sick of hearing what I have to say or anything and he's always there. But I never could grasp that and still kind of don't but I'm trying. I'm just feeling like I can't be the only one that wants somebody there in the physical that you could just pour out to and not feel stupid, regretful, or anything like that after you spilled your guts. And the crazy thing is I think I have one or two persons like that but in the back of my mind i'm like why did I just say that. Why did I have to become so transparent now I'm feeling like a complete ass. I'm thinking life just has to get better now it really does. I'm just waiting on they nex train

TrApPeD

I feel very much trapped. I'm not sure what to do about it yet. I kind of feel like there is nothing that I can do about it, just unhappy right now. Ummm it's kind of hard to go in detail about why i'm feeling trapped because after all this is the internet. Any of my readers....if any...lol...every felt stuck or trapped in a place what did you do about it???

sO mAnY tHiNgs....

There are so many things I want to do but I just realize that somethings it's just not time for me to do. It's a season for everything and i'm just trying to worry free. That's my problem though...I worry about stuff to much and seem to over think certain things some times but I'm getting better. I want to learn how to play guitar so bad but you may ask what's stopping me??? It's me that's stopping me I have the ability to do everything in time but i procrastinate and I don't save the money to buy a guitar. I also want to work on my photography more but I don't go out and work on it as much as I should. I am what is stopping myself from exceeding to greater heights. I make excuses but it's my fault. You get out what you put in right! So today i'm going to do the things that make me happy. But question what if the thing that you think will make you happy makes you sad trying to get it? Should you still do it? Good Question because i don't know right now.....ANY TAKERS!?!?!?!

Shuttle Bus Blues

OKAY so today i went to sleep at 5am right...stayed up studying and chillin I mean i just really couldn't go to sleep. So I woke up again at about 8:45am so that I could go to class! SUPER SLUGGISH....i walk down the stairs waiting on the shuttle in front of Slowe Hall (BIG UPS TO STEPHAN "BIRD" HALL, he won Mr. Slowe)...but anyway back to my day!!! So the shuttle finally comes and the rudest of all the bus drivers is driving today. So i'm walking up the steps and I find me an empty row. At this point i'm happy the shuttle didn't take so long so i won't be super late but at the same time i get to press the snooze button a little longer! NOW i'm not trying to be mean so I hope no one takes offense to this and I have heard WAY TO MANY STORIES similar to how i'm feeling today not to say anything so I am going to put it out there. This full figured young lady comes to sit by me. AND i don't know about everybody else but i like my personal space and the seat i sat in was for one person. You may be laughing by now because you know where i'm going but i was extremely upset this morning because by snooze button was turned off by someone who was completely SQUISHING ME!!! Now there are a few things this individual could have done to prevent this from happening: one she could have set somewhere else, two she could have leaned a little more to the left, and three should could have closed her legs because spreading was not an option....although it obviously was because she was in My SPACE!!! Now i have had family members complain and complain about someone on an airplane ride being oversized for just one seat. Then they have the nerve to apologize, I'm sorry that i don't care for you apology and i'm like Kat William, "Don't be sorry, be careful!!!" Obviously if you have ever flown before and your experiencing this problem again maybe you need to buy a first class ticket where I hear the seats are much bigger or buy two economy class seats! So any rebuttles on thoughts just comment!!! I don't mind this all just my opinion but more like a vent since i really couldn't do anything about it this morning!! Tootles....lol...I crack myself up...in retrospect i really should have said something. "Ay excuse me, your hurting me?" I don't know...

FeAr...

My favorite quote: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

I try to live by this quote because in retrospect I have missed out on a lot of thing because of this small four letter word. FEAR seems so big when heard but so small in essence. Often time we make assumptions and fear comes into play and after you went ahead a step our on that five letter word FAITH you were okay. I had to write about this because I found myself in fear about something so simple and decided that today it was not going to block me of any more blessings that might be heading my way. I shall fear no man because it is He who guides me. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what other people say or think but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. They are just WORDS which is another small word. Sometimes we don't see the power or the lack thereof in some of things that we let consume our lives. I thought that I didn't care what people said when in reality I did care what specific people said. Especially people that were close to me and I have learned that they will be the ones to hurt you the most not because of what they said but because you let what they had to say carry more than what it really did. For instance, someone that I have never met before could insult me and I would give it two thoughts but if my bestfriend or sister were to say it i would be torn but WHY i asked myself. It doesn't really matter what neither of them think but i am not a perfect individual and long as I know who I am and whose I am this everyone is just extra. YA feel me. This was totally random just had to put somethings in perspective. I am continually learning more about myself. I leave you with this note: SELF EVALUATION IS KEY...seriously try it out sometime...people can tell you everyday you stink but until you smell yourself you won't do anything about it..tootles

BRASIL....

I know once I got back little was said about Brasil. MAdddd people wanted to give intricate details about everything I did but I just wasn't feeling it. Honestly i just didn't feel like talking about it because I was completely drained. LeT me start of by saying it was my first time out of the country and I traveled alone. It was very interesting and I opening. Sooooooooooo when I finally made it there because talking about my experience in the airport would make me mad all over again....Prisicila a 19 year old black Brazilian girl and her aunt Mieza picked me up from the airport. It took about 2 hours to make it back to the community they lived in. They were poor black Brazilians and they lived in a favela (slums). It was quite depressing walking through the community i saw naked children, incomplete homes, just horrible conditions that I felt no one should have to endure. So it was utter culture shock needless to say. So when I finally made it to my room I was happy but still sad because I didn't have my suitcases. So I finally got my bags the next day. My day to day was getting up in the morning and attending a Portuguese class across town. We walked the bus station every morning (they didn't own a car) and we got off at the nearest stop to our school. The reason I say our is because I met another student from Howard there. Her name was Lorin and boy was she my saving grace...OMG...someone else that spoke English..even thought she was from the Caribbean and at times it was hard to understand...SHE STILL SPOKE ENGLISH. No one in the home spoke English..Priscila spoke broken English. After class we came back home and took showers because it was extremely hot. For fun we went to clubs, they had a lot of outside and neighborhood concerts, we went to the mall, souvenir shopping, and of course capoeira. Lorin and I taught an English class twice a week to students from ages 12 to 54. It was very interesting the class was in the evening time...they were very eager to learn English. We watched Television sometimes Brazilian people love soccer and novelas (soap operas). Whoever said that music was the universal language wasn't lying because although they could not speak English they knew every American song ever. In the household i lived in they loved to listen to Toni Braxton. They played her all day every day. The food was okay but i'm a very picky eater and we really didn't eat out...the grandmother cooked everyday. My teacher is "old school" and took it upon herself to tell the family that all American students like cheeseburgers...lol..I just laughed when they told them that and told them politely that I didn't. We went to different museums and saw the sights. The beach was really nice but i didn't go alot. The experience in Brazil was very eye opening it made me appreciate the life I live. Although I have had a lot of bad experiences my situation at it's present state could be a lot more wrost. I disagree with a lot of things my government does and just down right don't like it but I love my country. The liberties and freedoms that we have we should definitely be a little more appreciative because I know that a lot of my friends and family wouldn't be able to live on a daily basis. Some of you don't even like to wash clothes by throwing them in the washer and dryer I had to hand wash mine and put it on a liner. I practically walked everywhere i went to. Life was just totally different. The state of our people what i mean is black people over there is horrible and we as African American should take more initiative to help me them. We all came from the same descendants those are our brothers and sisters...Tell me your thoughts or if you have any questions on what it is we can do to help the blacks of Salvador, Bahia. The community where I lived in is called Ondina in case you wanted to Google it or something...

People Everday

What's up my limited readers aka my closest friends. I know I haven't been on here in a while...due to the fact that I'm back at school..no excuses though. Wow....so much has happened since my last post but in the forefront of my mind is the people I seem to interact with everyday. I find that being around these people make me learn something about myself everyday. I have come to realize that I have no patience for people who gossip and I'm not fond of those who down others. I mean wowsers aren't some people allowed to make mistakes in life. I Love My School Good Ol' Howard Univerisity...but some of the people here can I say...EXTRA. My gosh don't change yourself to what you think other people want you to be. Be You because your best at that. You have been your entire life and it has gotten you this far. I practice being Morgan Diana because it comes natural. The natural characteristics of me are that i'm silly, i love to love, i'm giving, I have a genuine care for people that I can honestly say I got from my mother. I really don't dig when people try to take advantage of me but you will have those that try. And with those that do it's just another learning experience in your life. I think of my blog and the things I do with my life as a painting. The blog and my life are the canvas and all thing things that I do in my life are the intricate details that go onto my canvas and they add to it to make a beautiful composition. I am beginning to appreciate life alot more as I have gotten older. I find myself thinking about things in a new light. This is basically a little note to my friends to keep being themselves because in that you can help others. Any topics you think that I such touch on just let me know. Thanks...Smooches

Thoughts of My Day

Well today when i finally decided to wake up all I could think about was life in general. I was thinking about being young and in college. All I could think about was how i should be taking full advantage of not having any responsibilities: kids, bills, etc. At the beginning of the summer I saw so many of my old classmates and people I had met through out my life that were pregnant or already had children, some of them even married and I was like WHOA!!! Way to fast for me. I am too young and I need to see the world and experience life to the fullest. And as young as I am I wouldn't be able to do it with all the restrictions I listed above. So I just thank God this morning for not letting me get caught in the hype and showing Morgan the great things in life. I know of lot you probably went home this summer and a lot of your all friends were in positions you would have never imagined them in. Even people in the older crowds, I know that you are going back to class reunions or even just finding someone you went to high school or college with on myspace and you are just blown by where some of these people are in life. So if you don't mind share some of your stores with me in the comment box!!!!

Kindred Friend

This is a poem that I wrote about a year ago when i was transitioning from high school to college. At the time I really didn't understand that I was going to lose a lot of friends and many people would change including myself. Last night I read the poem for the first time since I had wrote and it was a trip so tell if you like it or whatever!!! Here it is:

Kindred Friend

Somebody to care for me, love me, come see about me
But its not just about m.e. its also about he or she
I’m just wondering will they ever come
Or is it a figment of my imagination
Or are my emotions having déjà vu
Will my kindred friend ever be true
Will he or she ever have life and if so with me
I’m sick of these false and unreal affinities
I’m morbid of the vogue friendship
I’m only in this for the convenience of your leisure
Not to love me because of me
But to satisfy your boredom for the day
It is not your fault in its entirety for I allowed it
But today it stops don’t be shocked about it
I presuppose my kindred friend will come along
I will no longer indulge your false fancy of acquaintanceship
For I have found the meaning of Kindred friendship
I desire it so I will not tolerate the misuse of my time
To befriend those who couldn’t appreciate my gifts of love, compassion, and time
My kindred friendship will come in time
For God is Love and Love comes in time

1:09 a.m. on 07/16/06

Relationship Stuff

Well today is just an average day for me. Today I woke up an finished reading this book call the Ex Files by Victoria Christopher. It was a very interesting book about four women and their life trails and their faith. It's a Christian fiction novel and for it to be my first book by the author I think that it was awesome. After reading my uncle and went out grabbed a bite to eat, got the detailed, stopped by a couple of stores and came home. Yesterday, I hung out with some of my guy friends Chris and Julian and that was cool because I am always happy to see those guys. Life is just going pretty good!!! Drama the free the way I like it. Today the thought of relationships popped into my mind. Now I am a young person with an old sold I believe. I also know that I'm not an expert on relationships or the most committed but what is wrong with people (young people especially) and jumping from one relationship to another or sex partner and all the damn games i mean i'm tired of it. If you like just say you do, don't prance on my feelings and give me the bullish you know! First of all do we consider all that goes in to being in a relationship with another person. You have to think about that person in all the decisions you make, that's if you really care. Your have to constantly worry about is this going to hurt his/her feelings and it's just alot of work that we don't think about before we just jump into a relationship and I know that I am guilty of it also. Foreal foreal I know that I say I want to be in a relationship but am I really. I mean i have to always think about dude and I have to call him and talk to him and spend time with him. That is a lot of investment when on one hand I am in college right now, working for the school newspaper, probably will pick up a part-time job, and any dude that I consider right now or have on my mind doesn't even go to school with me so that means "Distant Lovers". Am I really ready to deal with all of that??? I don't know but then there is the other side of things that you have to learn with time and go through trail and error. No one I know has got love down to a science maybe that is a good way of thinking about it. Just try it, and then whatever happens just happens!! To be honest I wouldn't even say that I was looking for love or a relationship. I don't wake up everyday wanting to be in love or in a relationship. I just really live life normally not even thinking of it most of the time. Today was just one of those random days I thought "Hey, maybe it would be cool to have a significant other right now." I probably thought that because you see all the dang love stories on TV ( i did watch the Oprah with Angela Basset and Courtney Vance lol) and read all these crazy books and for moment you get all mushy and out of your element and your like "that might be nice." (LOL) I don't just some random thoughts on relationships!!! If you even make to the bottom of this tell your thoughts and comments! Thanks ;-)